A Teachable Moment? At what cost?

My letter to the editor of the New York Times did not get published – here it is:

Dear Mr. Feyer,

The headline “A Teachable Moment” (Feb. 20) connotes the idea of imparting knowledge and, I’d add, in an ethical fashion. Mr. Jones did no such thing.

Domestic violence is not mutual, as Jones implies. According to credible sources, like CDC, males perpetuate intimate partner violence 85% of the time. Police reports, shelter statistics, and court records provide further proof. And while boys can also be sexually abused, more often it is by older men – not women. Moreover, women are more likely to be murdered and stalked than are men, not vice versa.

Accurate information allows us to focus our resources, including financial ones. Remarkably, Jones refers to this as being “profitable” to organizations that help victims ‘projected as homosexual or female.’ What kind of teacher does this?

We can sympathize with male victims, but not at the cost of misleading society or disparaging organizations that assist victims.

Here is what I responded to:

A ‘Teachable Moment’ on Marginalized Male Victims

To the Editor:

Charles M. Blow aims to provide readers with a “teachable moment” regarding the suspension of the CNN commentator Roland Martin after a gay rights organization complained that his Super Bowl tweets advocated violence against gays (“Real Men and Pink Suits,” column, Feb. 11).

Noticeably absent from Mr. Blow’s and others’ commentary was any criticism of the numerous graphic acts of violence — slaps, head butts, kicks, punches — depicted against heterosexual males during the Super Bowl commercials in the interest of humor.

Many commentators, politicians and advocacy groups tend to cast victimization with a homosexual or feminine identity under the guise of advancing equality and social justice. While profitable and politically expedient, such projections not only marginalize the significant number of heterosexual male victims of violence, neglect and abuse, but also recast them as victimizers.

Domestic violence is just as likely to affect men as women; one in five males in the United States has been sexually abused; males account for nearly half of all missing persons; the number of male and female child prostitutes is essentially equal in major cities; and more than half of confiscated pornography depicts boys, not girls. In short, no group has a monopoly on suffering.

We should condemn all public endorsements or mockeries of violence. Our rebuke should not turn on whether the victim is heterosexual or homosexual, male or female, or a member of a group to which we belong, but whether there was an offense made against a person’s human dignity. Unless we, as a nation, hold ourselves to such a standard, we will only substitute one brand of social injustice and bias for another, and compromise our moral authority.

SAMUEL V. JONES Chicago, Feb. 14, 2012

The writer is an associate professor of law at the John Marshall Law School.

Twice victimized

I’m happy to see sexual assault getting more media attention these days, stemming from the Penn State scandal. I can only hope this will continue to snowball – to include family court cases, for example.

The New York Times ran this article and has a follow up next week on the care of victims:

The twice victimized of sexual assault

It is all too easy to see why. More often than not, women who bring charges of sexual assault are victims twice over, treated by the legal system and sometimes by the news media as lying until proved truthful.

“There is no other crime I can think of where the victim is more victimized,” said Rebecca Campbell, a professor of psychology at Michigan State University who for 20 years has been studying what happens legally and medically to women who are raped. “The victim is always on trial. Rape is treated very differently than other felonies.”

So, too, are the victims of lesser sexual assaults. In 1991, when Anita Hill, a lawyer and academic, told Congress that the Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas had sexually harassed her repeatedly when she worked for him, Ms. Hill was vilified as a character assassin and liar acting on behalf of abortion-rights advocates.

Credibility became the issue, too, for Nafissatou Diallo, an immigrant chambermaid who accused the head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, of forcing her to perform fellatio in a Manhattan hotel room. Prosecutors eventually dropped the case after concluding that Ms. Diallo had lied on her immigration form and about other matters, though not directly about the encounter with Mr. Strauss-Kahn.

When four women, two of whom identified themselves publicly, said they had been sexually harassed by Herman Cain, the Republican presidential hopeful, they, too, were called liars, perhaps hired by his opponents.

Charges of sexual harassment often boil down to “she said-he said” with no tangible evidence of what really took place. But even when there is DNA evidence of a completed sexual act, as there was in the Strauss-Kahn case, the accused commonly claim that the sex was consensual, not a crime.

Impunity in rape case(s) – no surprise there

The NY Times recently covered a rape charge, resulting in acquittal, against two NYC police officers. The writer, John Leland, gets the angle correct in writing about the non-surprise of 2 police officers getting acquitted. However, I’d add that we’re not ever surprised when violence against women results in impunity – it’s the number one reason why the violence continues worldwide.

Reacting to police rape case with anger, but little surprise

In interviews around the city on Thursday and Friday, reactions to the verdict revealed the simple terror elicited by the case — that the very people sworn to protect you can take advantage of you. Amid the anger, many expressed little surprise that in a trial without physical evidence, the jury believed the officers over the woman accusing them, who testified that she was too drunk to remember much of what happened.

“It’s disgusting,” said Annie White, a retired home health care aide, who said she had to shut off her television after watching the verdict.

“New York City cops can get away with anything,” Ms. White said, sitting in front of her home on 117th Street in Harlem. “This is the only place I know where there are certain rules for police officers and certain rules for civilians. Acquitting those two today is totally out of line. They should put those cops in jail where they belong.

“Right is right, wrong is wrong. To take advantage of a drunk woman? If you’re a woman in this city you don’t have a chance; you can’t even call the police. If they were civilians, they would be in jail.”

The trial of the two officers, Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata, featured spirited courtroom confrontations and a steady drip of intimate revelations, including the woman’s familiarity with various sexual positions and the song that Mr. Moreno testified that he sang to her when he cuddled her in her bed (Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer”).

The officers were found guilty of official misconduct and fired from the force — an inadequate punishment, several people said, for officers who took advantage of a woman at her most vulnerable.

Mother’s Day round up

Happy Mother’s Day to all – to those that have children, to those that have lost children, and to those that care for children.

When we hated mom – NY Times article by Stephanie Coontz – provides an historical account of motherhood from a (feminist) sociological perspective. Feminism, Coontz explains, has improved the lives of women (and men) – but, hey, we knew that! Interesting to note, though, society’s disparaging view of protective mothers:

Momism became seen as a threat to the moral fiber of America on a par with communism. In 1945, the psychiatrist Edward Strecher argued that the 2.5 million men rejected or discharged from the Army as unfit during World War II were the product of overly protective mothers.

From the Washington Post, we have an article on racism…onMother’s Day. Granted, I don’t get a home copy of the Post, but this is all I could find in their daily email of headlines. It seems some media outlets would rather celebrate anniversaries (Freedom Riders, David Goldman reuniting with his son) rather than Mothers. I object to racism too, but when can we get national discussions going on sexism? They can even be combined. But, as one writer pointed out, it’s worse to be a racist than a rapist. Both should be despised.

Freedom Riders, 50 years on,  see today’s youth as disconnected from racism

The heartless way Conservatives treat young women who choose to have babies by Amanda Marcotte

Everytime I think the Republicans/Conservatives couldn’t get any worse, they surprise me with their renewed spirit of misogyny. Gotta give it to them for disguising hate with “fiscal responsibility.” There’s always some reason to put women’s issues on the back burner…or to just burn them.

The girls were arrested for holding a sit-in to protest the closing of their school, the Catherine Ferguson Academy, which was established to serve students who are pregnant or mothering.  The school provides day care and parenting classes, and focuses on getting students to college and giving them skills that help future self-sufficiency.  Supposedly “pro-life” conservatives should not only be supporting this school, but demanding that every high school in the country provide these services to teenage mothers.  After all, these girls did what anti-choicers ask of them.  They chose to have their babies.  And now the very same conservatives that wax sentimental about “choosing life” are working to shut down the educational opportunities of young women who did what anti-choicers want, by having their babies.

Don’t forget the women who’ve had injuries or their lives cut short from the men that supposedly loved them and fathered children with them – and, please, don’t forget that it’s more often when these women do the “right thing” that they get injured or killed (far too many people, including feminists, blame the victim for “staying” with an abuser) –

Man charged with ambush slayings of ex, her dad

Orange County prosecutors have charged a 36-year-old man with murdering his ex-wife and her father after they came to his home to take court-ordered custody of the couple’s 7-year-old daughter.

Ex-wife. She left him. They came to take court-ordered custody. Court must have granted dad custody if they came to take her back. It wasn’t enough to kill the ex-wife. He killed her father, too — he shot them both in the backs, the coward.  This 7-year-old just lost her mother (and grandfather) in the week leading up to Mother’s Day. 

Roughly 3 women die every day in domestic violence in this country. This week alone, we’ve lost 21 women, many of whom were mothers.

Candlelight vigil for murdered mother of four

Fresno – Four kids are dealing with the loss of their mother after a murder-suicide in southeast Fresno Tuesday.

The kids were joined about 100 family members and friends Wednesday night for a candlelight vigil.

They gathered on Shields Avenue, the spot where 28-year-old Jennifer Puentes Chatman died, after her ex-boyfriend, 34-year-old Richard Haynes, shot her.

She is the victim of a deadly domestic violence dispute.

This article also ‘blamed the victim’, saying she had chances to leave, but didn’t. But – why didn’t she? Because he threatened to take or kill the kids? Because she feared sharing custody with him or worse, losing custody all together? Because she didn’t have faith in the justice system? Because she feared not being believed? Because women are in greatest danger when they leave?

 Mom with cancer loses custody of kids

This 37-year-old stay-at-home mother lost custody of her 2 children because she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She lives in North Carolina. The father is taking the kids to Illinois. Nice. What a Mother’s Day.

No woman, no cry – Oprah is offering this documentary for free for the next ten days. It discusses death during childbirth.

Mothers rally for fairness in courts

Lori has spent the last eight years fighting the courts for custody of her two children. It began, she said, with her accusing her then-husband of abusing their 3-year-old boy and year-old girl. It ended with him gaining custody and her getting visitation rights.

“He drained me out,” said the 47-year-old Westfield woman, who declined to give her full name for fear it would hurt her future custody chances. She can’t afford a lawyer and has to represent herself after spending more than $100,000 in legal fees over the years.

She was a housewife. He is a lawyer. She has little money. He has lots.

It is a formula that legal experts and advocates say creates a lopsided matchup in the courtroom for custody cases – one in which the mother most often loses.

It looks like HE takes HER to the cleaners – then, why, oh why, does the media portray the opposite?

And, remember, there’s a candlelight vigil tonight from 6-9 pm in front of the White House (see post below).

Happy Mother’s Day to all — Let’s work towards improving the very lives that give us life

New York Times’ film critics discuss films with female violence

Not as interesting as I thought it would be, but worth a read:

Gosh, Sweetie, that’s a big gun

MANOHLA DARGIS It’s no longer enough to be a mean girl, to destroy the enemy with sneers and gossip: you now have to be a murderous one. That, at any rate, seems to be what movies like “Hanna,” “Sucker Punch,” “Super,” “Let Me In,” “Kick-Ass” and those flicks with that inked Swedish psycho-chick seem to be saying. I like a few of these in energetic bits and pieces, but I’m leery of how they fetishize hyper-violent women. Part of me thinks the uptick in bloody mama and kinder-killer movies is about as progressive as that old advertising pitch for Virginia Slims cigarettes, meaning not very. You’ve come a long way, baby, only now you’re packing a gun and there’s blood on your hands (or teeth).

This part resonated with me most; it’s by Dargis:

It’s tricky whenever a woman holds a gun on screen, even if the movie is independently produced and the director is female. I’m glad that “Meek’s Cutoff” exists and that Kelly Reichardt is making a new film every few years — long may she direct. I complain about the representations of women, but I’m more offended when in movie after movie there are no real representations to eviscerate, when all or most of the big roles are taken by men, and the only women around are those whose sole function is, essentially, to reassure the audience that the hero isn’t gay. The gun-toting women and girls in this new rash of movies may be performing much the same function for the presumptive male audience: It’s totally “gay” for a guy to watch a chick flick, but if a babe is packing heat — no worries, man!

To my surprise, I’ve become a fan of the TV show ‘Nikita’- I say ‘surprised’ because I don’t like violence – not even as “entertainment” – but somehow I tune in every Thursday night to see Nikita kick ass. I think it’s because I need to see female representation – especially of empowered, strong women. It actually reminds me of when I was a child, growing up watching Charlie’s Angels. I thought those gals were awesome. And, somehow – in all those years in between Charlie’s Angels and Nikita – there have been few – very few – females fighting for justice. That’s pretty sad.

Shooter targets women

And, again, no national news…no conversation…no outrage. It does not have to be inevitable/normal/acceptable that women are injured or killed by men.

Shooting at college in Alabama kills a woman and wounds 3    (women!!!!)

By KIM SEVERSON

ATLANTA — A woman was killed and three other people, including a woman believed to be in her 90s and a 4-year-old girl, were wounded on Wednesday afternoon when a man with a gun walked onto the campus of a community college in Opelika, Ala., and began firing, the police said.

The police, who described the shooting as a case of domestic violence, said they arrested a suspect, Thomas Franklin May III, 34, early Wednesday evening.

A 63-year-old woman, who was shot in the upper body, was killed, said Capt. Allen Elkins of the Opelika police.

The child was injured by glass from a van window shattered by bullets, the police said. A woman the police believe to be 93 or 94 was shot in her neck and back. Another woman, 36, was shot in the arm. They were taken to local hospitals, and their conditions were not released. A van on campus had three windows shot out and what appeared to be blood stains on the seats, according to The Opelika-Auburn News. The police said the gunman drove away in a white Jeep.

Opelika, about 100 miles southwest of Atlanta, has a population of about 27,000 and little history of public shootings. “This is very rare and very unbelievable,” said Jan Gunter, a community relations specialist with the city.

The college, Southern Union State Community College, whose students often go on to Auburn University, has strong nursing and other medical programs, Ms. Gunter said.

The shooting happened near the health sciences building, and faculty members ran to help the victims, said the college’s interim president, Amelia Pearson, The Opelika-Auburn News reported.

Update: Libyan woman who was raped

Please sign the petition asking Turkey to use their diplomatic means to get Iman al-Obeidi released:

AVAAZ.org

168,235 people have signed the petition so far – they’re seeking 500,000 signatures.

Have you seen this yet? Her alleged rapists are suing her for defamation. How is it possible for rape victims to have the tables turned on them? 

Militia members sue woman who accused them of rape 

The incredibly frustrating idea that women and girls ASK to be raped

Rape me, rape me; Oh, please, rape me.

I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine anyone thinking or saying these words, so how on Earth people think women and girls ASK to be raped is beyond my thinking.

If you haven’t yet read this, Keli Goff had a very good article on Salon about the gang-rape of the 11-year-old girl:

Of course she was asking for it

Of course she was. Why else would 18 men and boys rape her?

This case is still on my mind. It’s on my mind when I take a shower. It’s on my mind when I hear about other sexual assaults. When I hear about other crimes (the kind that doesn’t involve victim-blaming, which tends to be those involving strangers or male victims).

Goff brings up the Polanski case and adds a link to the Hollywood petition asking for him to be excused – I’ve added it here too. It sickened me to see how many celebs believe a pedophile should go unpunished: Petition 

She brings up several other cases to support her argument and, interestingly, mentioned how some judges even believe trafficked girls are actually “bad girls.”

Here’s Goff’s ending:

…Maybe the reason we can’t get our criminal justice system and others in power to take sexual crimes against children more seriously is because too many of them believe that under the right (or rather wrong) circumstances they too could find themselves the accidental “victim” of the seductive charms of a young siren — whose age they really didn’t know (wink, wink.)

And wouldn’t that be terrible for them to find their lives ruined?

Especially if she was really asking for it.

 It’s not the first time somebody has pointed out that men in power can relate to the story or crime. For instance, it’s been said that white male writers/editors write about the “nice guy” that “snaps” and kills his wife because — well, that could be him in that position. It makes sense – rarely to I read that minorities are “nice guys” that “snap” when they commmit a crime.

Goff’s article has 486 comments at the moment. The last comment I read proved that people STILL didn’t get it:

CapriRS302 said:

WHen someone says “she was asking for it” they are not trying to put blame on the victim AND take it away from the perpetrato­r, they are just trying to point out that there were bad decisions that were made beforehand by the victim that led to the situation.

If I were to take a shortcut through a dark alley at night instead of walking around a few blocks or calling a cab and I got mugged, it would be the same type of thing.

What does it take to educate people on victim-blaming?

Here was my reply to Capri:

If someone said ‘she was asking for it’ – and “it” meant “rape” – then, yes, it’s blaming the victim. Nobody asks to be raped. Nobody asks to be mugged. Nobody asks to be killed. Period.

If bad decisions were made – well, they’re just bad decisions. No one can predict the future – no one can predict an assault. Bad decisions don’t cause or lead to rape. Rapists rape. It’s the rapist’s behavior – and the perp must take full accountabi­lity of committing a CRIME.

People make bad decisions every day. They don’t deserve to be punished for it. They don’t deserve to be raped, or mugged, or killed.

An 81-year-ol­d man was recently killed. He left his door open and a robber came in, stole $40. and killed him. Was he to blame? No. But he did leave his door open. Rarely do we blame victims for these crimes – but we do for rape and domestic violence.

Perps are NOT vigilantes­. They are not judges or juries. They should have no power whatsoever to punish people for bad decisions.

Here’s another article on the subject  – A REPUBLICAN joined the victim-blaming:

Sick: Republican Lawmaker likens 11 yr old rape victim to a “21 yr old prostitute” – this also links to another article on the topic, by Amanda Marcotte

 

New York Times gets it right with domestic violence article by Karen Zraick

Okay, since I called out the New York Times on how they handled a domestic violence article just recently, I wanted to post this article that reports it fairly well.

The only criticisms I would have is that they say “man” in the headline rather than husband; they don’t provide any context on separation & divorce being the most dangerous time for a woman; and, they indicate she just couldn’t break the hold he had on her – this could be explained if they interviewed a domestic violence expert (for example: manipulation, threats, lack of affordable housing could all prevent a woman from leaving).  These 3 critiques would make an ideal article, but I realize it can be hard to find an expert in time or to have the space available to provide the context.

The article does provide a photo of the victim and it mentions positive things about her life. There is no victim-blaming. Kudos!

Bronx man is person of interest in wife’s death

More victim-blaming from the New York Times – this time from Liz Robbins

Why is it this society wants so badly to blame women for the crimes they experience?!? This is not just a phenomenon in rape, it also applies to domestic violence.

Here’s an article from the New York Times:

Man’s arc of domestic abuse led to death of an officer

I would have liked this article a lot more if it would have focused on the death toll of police officers responding to domestic violence. For instance, it could have covered how many officers die each year. How about how police officers sometimes fear responding to these calls because of the danger involved – maybe if society read that police officers have fear, they would realize how serious the situation is for women and their families. The headline hints at discussing this and then it goes right into victim-blaming.

Or, how about how this criminal was able to virtually evade a criminal justice system despite victimizing women? That should point to how ineffective the system is in responding to these crisis.

Man’s arc of domestic abuse led to death of an officer

The police said that in the past decade, 20 domestic incident reports had been filed against Mr. Villanueva; only six resulted in his arrest, according to two law enforcement officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the investigation was continuing.

The disparity illustrates the complicated nature of such cases, which are fraught with fear, emotion and family politics. It is rare, one top Brooklyn prosecutor said Monday, that victims are willing to supply enough evidence for a case to go to trial, and because of that, it is rarer still to secure a conviction.

Wanda Lucibello, the chief of the special victims unit in the Kings County district attorney’s office, said: “These cases are much more complex than the usual case where all we have to deal with is talking to the victim about specifically what happened in time and place of occurrence. What we are trying to do is almost battle the power and the control and the intimidation that the offender has over the victim with a criminal justice timeline.”

“Along with the threats and the coercion,” she added, “sometimes love is mixed in with it, too — and untangling all of that while trying to help the victim is not easy.”

They do mention the abuser’s role here – but they should have ran with it. They should also have looked at the women’s view of the criminal justice system – but instead they talked to police officers. Therefore….they should have stayed on the topic of abusers killing police officers!!!! Who would know better than police officers. And who would know better than women to ask about how they feel about the criminal justice system!! Why was this overlooked?!

On Monday, Patrick J. Lynch, the president of the Police Benevolent Association, said in a statement that he questioned a system “that allows a vile and violent career criminal with scores of arrests for violent offenses to continue to walk our neighborhoods.”

OUR NEIGHBORHOODS? Are you kidding me? He targets women, not people in his neighborhood. At least he says he questions a SYSTEM – because the problem is the system, not the victims.

The ending really burns me up:

But Ms. Lucibello cautioned about drawing conclusions about domestic violence cases. “In about 75 to 80 percent of the cases,” she said, “the victims express reluctance, to some degree, in going forward.”

Why don’t we end on a note talking about how dangerous these men are? How they coerce women? How about how society blames women for staying with them? Do they know, for example, that it is actually safer to stay with an abuser than to leave him (because the greatest danger is in separation)? Do they know that the men who say “You’ll never get the kids” make good on their threat? That the men also threaten, abuse, and kill the family pet as a warning to what they can do to the woman? Or how about how the shortage of affordable housing makes it difficult for women to leave abusers?

Why do people have more sympathy for a witness who has to testify against a killer or gangster, and may even get police protection, or go into the witness protection program, yet they blame the wife or girlfriend of an abuser with a long criminal history who has no such protection? We blame those who know the perp and sympathize with those who don’t.

And instead of offering some fresh material on domestic violence, they rehash the same old myth – women are to blame for crimes committed by people known to them. 

New York Times, you not only blame victims, you report old news. In either case, I’m quite disgusted.

EDIT:

The New York Daily News did a much better job. Although they have one instance of victim-blaming:

On the frontlines of a war that’s fought 700 times a day in New York

If she had just stayed in the police car and quietly made the identification, then it likely would have been recorded as just another of more than two dozen arrests for Villanueva and just another of some 700 domestic disturbance calls a day, some 250,000 a year for the NYPD.

She instead popped out of the car and called out, signaling that he was no longer the one with power, no longer the one in control

“That’s him!”

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2011/03/14/2011-03-14_on_the_front_lines.html#ixzz1GiRXcWmH

People have to take accountability for their actions – the woman is not a puppet-master.