The incredibly frustrating idea that women and girls ASK to be raped

Rape me, rape me; Oh, please, rape me.

I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine anyone thinking or saying these words, so how on Earth people think women and girls ASK to be raped is beyond my thinking.

If you haven’t yet read this, Keli Goff had a very good article on Salon about the gang-rape of the 11-year-old girl:

Of course she was asking for it

Of course she was. Why else would 18 men and boys rape her?

This case is still on my mind. It’s on my mind when I take a shower. It’s on my mind when I hear about other sexual assaults. When I hear about other crimes (the kind that doesn’t involve victim-blaming, which tends to be those involving strangers or male victims).

Goff brings up the Polanski case and adds a link to the Hollywood petition asking for him to be excused – I’ve added it here too. It sickened me to see how many celebs believe a pedophile should go unpunished: Petition 

She brings up several other cases to support her argument and, interestingly, mentioned how some judges even believe trafficked girls are actually “bad girls.”

Here’s Goff’s ending:

…Maybe the reason we can’t get our criminal justice system and others in power to take sexual crimes against children more seriously is because too many of them believe that under the right (or rather wrong) circumstances they too could find themselves the accidental “victim” of the seductive charms of a young siren — whose age they really didn’t know (wink, wink.)

And wouldn’t that be terrible for them to find their lives ruined?

Especially if she was really asking for it.

 It’s not the first time somebody has pointed out that men in power can relate to the story or crime. For instance, it’s been said that white male writers/editors write about the “nice guy” that “snaps” and kills his wife because — well, that could be him in that position. It makes sense – rarely to I read that minorities are “nice guys” that “snap” when they commmit a crime.

Goff’s article has 486 comments at the moment. The last comment I read proved that people STILL didn’t get it:

CapriRS302 said:

WHen someone says “she was asking for it” they are not trying to put blame on the victim AND take it away from the perpetrato­r, they are just trying to point out that there were bad decisions that were made beforehand by the victim that led to the situation.

If I were to take a shortcut through a dark alley at night instead of walking around a few blocks or calling a cab and I got mugged, it would be the same type of thing.

What does it take to educate people on victim-blaming?

Here was my reply to Capri:

If someone said ‘she was asking for it’ – and “it” meant “rape” – then, yes, it’s blaming the victim. Nobody asks to be raped. Nobody asks to be mugged. Nobody asks to be killed. Period.

If bad decisions were made – well, they’re just bad decisions. No one can predict the future – no one can predict an assault. Bad decisions don’t cause or lead to rape. Rapists rape. It’s the rapist’s behavior – and the perp must take full accountabi­lity of committing a CRIME.

People make bad decisions every day. They don’t deserve to be punished for it. They don’t deserve to be raped, or mugged, or killed.

An 81-year-ol­d man was recently killed. He left his door open and a robber came in, stole $40. and killed him. Was he to blame? No. But he did leave his door open. Rarely do we blame victims for these crimes – but we do for rape and domestic violence.

Perps are NOT vigilantes­. They are not judges or juries. They should have no power whatsoever to punish people for bad decisions.

Here’s another article on the subject  – A REPUBLICAN joined the victim-blaming:

Sick: Republican Lawmaker likens 11 yr old rape victim to a “21 yr old prostitute” – this also links to another article on the topic, by Amanda Marcotte

 

Is it worse to be a racist or a rapist?

Ooh, ooh, I know this one! A racist! Right?

Hat’s off to Keli Goff for writing Is it worse to be a racist or a rapist? What Gibson, Brown and Polanski teach us. I was heartsickened to find out Switzerland was letting Polanski go. Ply a 13-year-old with alcohol and drugs, rape her, serve a few days in jail and live the rest of your life as an “icon.” The media and Hollywood may worship Polanski, but the mere mention of his name turns my stomache. Like Goff, I think he’s poo – a disgusting old dirt bag that (well, like the majority of perps who commit violence against women) got off too easy.

The idea that men can commit violence against women and have impunity is not new – but it’s not well-known.  One and a half to 3 million women are killed each year by men in this world. Impunity is the #1 reason it continues unabated. Sexual violence during war, rape, domestic violence, honor killings, acid attacks, female genital mutilation, sexual slavery and femicide exist in this world – it receives little media attention – it receives little commitment by governments to take action – it receives little fanfare by societies that deem it inevitable for women and girls to be subjected to violence and abuse by men.

• In the Congo, where atrocity rapes are occuring, I cringe when I realize that there is more stigma to being a rape victim than a rapist.
• In Guatemala, to be initiated into a gang, one must rape and kill a female. Since these youth are new to killing – you can imagine their inexperienced hands wielding a knife – it would be considered more humane to kill bulls in Spain than it would to describe how these young men kill young girls.
• In South Africa, 28% of men have admitted to raping a woman (Yet The Daily Show thought the “news” of finding a racist was more interesting and humorous to finding a rapist – I’m sure they have no idea as to what’s happening to women – why would they afterall? The news is not reporting this).
• In Florida recently, a man killed his ex-wife and targeted 6 women (not men), killing 3 of them. This man shot at 7 women in total. You haven’t heard this story? I’m not surprised.

Here’s some excerpts from Goff’s post:

In Gibson’s case it appears that everyone was so focused on not approving of his so-called “golddigging” girlfriend (whom Gibson accused of extortion) that whether or not he knocked her teeth loose became secondary to whether or not she was trying to possibly turn his knocking her teeth loose to her financial advantage. But the most telling clue regarding where our priorities lie, is that the majority of headlines chronicling Gibson’s downfall in recent weeks, from major publications to small blogs, highlight Gibson’s alleged use of the N-word on tape, not the fact that he appears to be terrorizing a woman with an infant on tape. It’s as though everyone universally had it with Gibson only after tapes initially created to support her allegations of abuse happened to include his use of the N-word.

The Civil Rights movement has helped change society’s mindset about race relations and language – it’s far from perfect, but we have come a long way (baby). We have NOT come a long way in terms of the Violence Against Women movment. We still witness countless injuries and deaths, impunity that protects perps, propaganda about false allegations that severely threatens justice, defenses that protect males and their careers, and apathy from leaders and the public.

So why is it that much of Hollywood is ready to welcome admitted statutory rapist Roman Polanski back with open arms, and much of black Hollywood is arguing that people like myself need to get over it already regarding Chris Brown’s assault on Rhianna? (Note to Polanski and Brown: It might help some of us who think you’re both poo to “get over it” if you were to display an ounce of real remorse over what you did, as opposed to remorse for the inconvenience it has presented to your careers. If you’d like to see how “remorseful” Polanski really is (or rather isn’t) for violating a child, listen to him in his own words in one of his last TV interviews on the matter.)

We all know that Gibson, Brown and Polanski are not the first notable public figures to be accused of abusing a woman, and will not be the last. Besides the countless professional athletes who have been accused of assault, in recent years various elected officials have been accused of everything from choking a woman, to slashing a girlfriend’s face (Click here to view a tally of members of Congress accused of spousal abuse as recently as a few years ago.)

But I guess the silver lining for abusers everywhere is that it looks like unless you use a racial slur while committing abuse you might be okay, career wise.

Yeah, Power to the Perps as I say.

And if you really need another piece of evidence to see how we protect perps and men, in particular, look at the video attached to this article: Dad tosses tot into traffic: Cops An off-duty police officer witnessed the father throwing his 18-month-old infant into traffic. The mother? She sticks up for the dad. Because men can do no wrong? (Oh, wait, that’s contrary to gender stereotypes) Because it would harm his career? (No, that’s contrary to facts). Hmmm. Hell, I don’t know why does she stick up for him?  Why would anyone want to offer him impunity?