Where’s the outrage?

Where’s the outrage when girls are raped and videotaped? Where’s the outrage when women are targeted because they’re female and killed? Where’s the language to express the horrors of being stabbed in the face and torso by a person you once loved?

Notice the difference in these 2 articles – one calls for outrage over the suicide of a young boy caught on tape having sex with another male. The other rationalizes the behavior of videotaping a teen girl being gang-raped – the video spread widely on Facebook.

With Tyler Clementi’s death, let’s try friending decency 

…we should add an urgent call to renew respect for privacy. As a community of decent people, we have to rally ourselves to stop the insanity of narcissism and exhibitionism that inculcates the broader notion that nothing is off-limits.

And-

Whether or not you agree with the anti-smoking movement, you can concede that it worked. Why not apply the same template to those who would invade another’s space? We don’t want to outlaw cameras or otherwise limit free expression, but we can certainly make it unattractive and unacceptable to intrude on others. Next time someone takes your picture or posts it on the Internet without your permission, raise the roof. Point a finger. Stand athwart civilization and yell, “No more.”

When others are victimized by another’s lack of scruples, be outraged. And never publish or distribute images of anyone without his or her permission.

Now compare this to Tracy Clark-Flory’s account of the girl who was raped and videotaped:

Teens share photos of assault on Facebook

For the most part, these are not pedophilic child pornography collectors; many of the distributors are teenagers themselves. This of course has many adults asking that age-old question: What’s wrong with kids these days? I suspect there are a couple explanations that do not require us to label “kids these days” as amoral animals.

And-

These sorts of images are the norm. We have access to them, they exist, and so we view them — duh. Carry this view a little further and it isn’t hard to understand how even a nonsociopathic teenager might opt to view a photo of a girl’s rape, or even send it along to a friend. This is so often how we share things, good and bad; we hit “forward” or “re-tweet” or “like,” etc. Technology offers us a sense of privacy, and detachment, even as we’re sharing these things with the entire Web. The online mentality is one of entitlement and total freedom, no one has ownership over anything (just ask record label execs). I would venture to say that it hasn’t even occurred to many of the kids — the ones who are not, you know, patently evil — that they are violating this girl themselves.

Forgive them sisters for they know not what they do?! I don’t think so.

This case demands as much outrage as the case of the Rutgers student. The young girl did not commit suicide, but she will be at risk for suicide as well as other mental and possibly physical repercussions.

 Please contact Tracy at Tracy@salon.com to let her know the case deserves outrage. Share the case with other media outlets, let the media know that women’s lives have as much value as men’s lives, let the media know you want to read about women, too. This case was virtually ignored by the media. The similarities should have been pointed out – it’s not just the LGBT community that faces such discrimination.

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Believe women – Thanks Baltimore Sun!

Thanks in part to reporting done by The Sun newspaper, the Senate Crime & Drugs subcommittee has asked the Office of Violence Against Women to discuss the problem of impunity in rape cases. Now if we can just get them to look at all the other cases – like those in family court, for another.

U.S. Senate committee to hold hearing on rape investigations

The Sun reported in July that Baltimore for years led the nation in the percentage of rape cases in which police concluded that the victim was lying, with more than 3 in 10 cases determined to be “unfounded.” Other cities have seen disturbingly high percentages of uninvestigated or dropped rape cases in years past, and a women’s advocate in Philadelphia pushed for the congressional hearing after the Sun’s investigation reignited concerns.

So the police are our first “judge & jury”…

The Sun analysis showed that four out of 10 calls to 911 over a five-year period had not generated a police report, having been dismissed by officers at the scene. Victims have reported being interrogated by detectives about their motives and truthfulness, while others said patrol officers ignored their allegations.

“We just took what we wanted”

This is an incredible video of a warden & therapist who runs a counseling program in a prison in South Africa, a country where 28% of men admit to committing rape.

Here’s the article by Elena Ghanotakis: South Africa:  Inside the Culture of Rape

My guide inside Pollsmoor was warden and therapist Chris Malgas, who runs a counseling program for convicted offenders using groupwork and individual therapy. My follow up story is a raw look at some of those interactions between Chris and his group, a testament to why it’s so difficult to stop South Africa’s cycle of sexual abuse.

Most of the sessions took place on the prison roof, away from the chaos and overcrowded conditions below. For safety reasons, we could only film during the mornings before the prison was locked down for the afternoon.

The perpetrators testimonies provide a grim picture of growing up in the townships and the crimes these men committed. Many talked about being exposed to violent gang culture from a young age, where rape was a rite of passage. “We just took what we wanted,” one gang member told me; it was “part of everyday things.”

Here’s the video – it’s 11 minutes long, but don’t let that put you off – it’s very interesting:

http://www.pbs.org/frontlineworld/watch/player.html?pkg=rc93safrica&seg=1&mod=0

Wife denied restraining order; husband can do as he pleases

Human rights? Why, those silly things just get in the way of a marriage, don’t they? Apparently, this judge thought so… (his decision was overturned in an appeal)

Court rejects religious defense on appeal

Cultural/religious beliefs no defense to or justification for domestic violence

These goat fuckers need to be killed not enabled

Believe women

Here’s an account of a rape in Salon:

Why didn’t I scream when I was raped?

Towards the end of the story, you’ll find this paragraph:

Eventually, more than three decades after the crime took place, a long investigation would lead the police to discover something that denial and disbelief had not allowed them to see back then: This man attacked 44 girls from 1970 and 1973.

Had the community believed these girls (her & her sister were raped) and shown commitment, perhaps these senseless rapes – 44 of them – could have been prevented.

Rape is not in the hands of women (and men) to prevent. It is in the hands of communities – to show commitment to preventing violence, to believe victims, to thoroughly investigate claims, and to both prevent and prosecute criminal acts.

“Nice guys”…rape

Okay, I grappled with the title on this one. The topic overlaps on so many of my posts about women’s credibility in abuse allegations and men’s “nice guy” portrayal in the media. Here were my options:

1) “Nice guys”…rape

2) He’s “not that kind of guy”

3) Liar until proven honest

Read Jaclyn Friedman’s:   How the media should treat sexual assault allegations against Al Gore

The Tribune piece asks the question, “How can you judge the credibility of a sexual assault charge when there are no witnesses and apparently no physical evidence?” It’s a good question, but why not ask, “Why, in cases of sexual violence, is the victim assumed guilty of lying until proven innocent?” We assume that accusers of other crimes are credible enough to report unless there’s clear evidence to the contrary: a repeated history of making false claims, for example. Or evidence that the two people in question weren’t in the same place at the same time. Barring these sorts of clear contravening evidence, media outlets should consider sexual assault accusations credible enough to report.

Why indeed. Other victims of crimes are not presumed to be lying. Research finds it’s bias and NOT that other women have made false allegations and, therefore, have made it harder for honest women to be taken seriously.  

But sexual predators aren’t monsters. They’re men (about 98 percent of them are, anyhow). They can be handsome and seem kind. They can be well-liked. They can do you a favor and think nothing of it. They can kiss their wives in public and mean it. They can be brothers, boyfriends, best buddies, talented film directors, beloved athletes, trusted priests and even (prepare to clutch your pearls) lefty political heroes who seem like genuinely nice guys. What they all have in common is the sociopathic rush they get from controlling another person’s body.

What’s more, our fierce attachment to the idea of the obvious monster has the exact opposite of the intended effect: it puts all of us in great danger. Every time we indulge it, we give cover to the actual sexual predators among us: we discourage victims from reporting because we’ve already told them we won’t believe them, and, when charges do get filed, we’ve already encouraged the police, prosecutors, judges and juries to make like we do and find whatever reasons they can to dismiss, diminish and deny justice. All of which means that these guys—these nice-seeming guys in your community—are free to attack again and again. Which, research shows, they do.

If you’ve ever seen Dateline’s To catch a predator or watched America’s Most Wanted, you’ll understand that most of these men who commit abuse and murder are seemingly “nice guys.” They’re men that look like your neighbors, like your boss, hell, to me, they’re men I might consider dating. They’re not nice though, are they? But they come with no signs on their foreheads, no warning signs, no monster masks….