Misogyny Made Elliot Rodger Do It

You can talk about gun laws and mental health (again and again) but when will the dialog turn to the real motive: Misogyny.

Here’s something I just posted to my FaceBook account (I’ve been trying real hard to bite my tongue…obviously, I caved) –

If society only talks about gun laws, they’re only looking at half the problem. Misogyny fueled the killings. The killer was a Men’s Rights Activist. Had a feminist gone on a killing spree, we’d know it. We wouldn’t read articles that avoided the topic of feminism, we wouldn’t read articles that ended “I didn’t know my behavior could have lead her to do that” and we sure as hell wouldn’t be discussing gun laws. We’d just blame the crazy feminist, who as all people know are “militant,” “lesbian,” and “men haters.” It’s ironic (and mind-numbing) you have to prove you don’t hate men in order to stick up for women’s rights…and most importantly, women’s lives.

The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) wrote about his misogyny – if they found it, why can’t the major newspapers?

Shooting Suspect Elliot Rodger’s Misogynistic Posts Point to Motive

By Josh Glasstetter on May 24, 2014 – 4:24 pm, Posted in Anti-WomanExtremist Crime

…Rodger wrote that incels  [involuntary celibate]must go on offense: “If we can’t solve our problems we must DESTROY our problems.” He concluded with a call to arms against women:

One day incels will realize their true strength and numbers, and will overthrow this oppressive feminist system.

Start envisioning a world where WOMEN FEAR YOU.

ABC news

Santa Barbara Killer’s Friend: ‘I Think He’s a Really Lonely Guy’

Really, ABC? You believe loneliness lead him to kill? Great reporting!

…police interviewed Rodger and found him to be “polite and kind.” He did not specify which law enforcement division conducted the interview.

A social worker also contacted police about Rodger last week, said Schifman.

Schifman said Rodger was diagnosed as being a high-functioning patient with Asperger syndrome and had trouble making friends.

 

US Weekly had this headline:

Seth Rogen, Judd Apatow Speak Out Against Ann Hornaday’s Washington Post Op-Ed on

Suspected UCSB Shooter Elliot Rodger

In her Washington Post essay, Hornaday writes, “As important as it is to understand Rodger’s actions within the context of the mental illness he clearly suffered, it’s just as clear that his delusions were inflated, if not created, by the entertainment industry he grew up in.”

“As Rodger bemoaned his life of ‘loneliness, rejection and unfulfilled desire’ and arrogantly announced that he would now prove his own status as ‘the true alpha male,’ he unwittingly expressed the toxic double helix of insecurity and entitlement that comprises Hollywood’s DNA,” she wrote. “For generations, mass entertainment has been overwhelmingly controlled by white men, whose escapist fantasies so often revolve around vigilantism and sexual wish-fulfillment (often, if not always, featuring a steady through-line of casual misogyny). Rodger’s rampage may be a function of his own profound distress, but it also shows how a sexist movie monoculture can be toxic for women and men alike.”

PHOTOS: Seth’s weight loss

“How many students watch outsized frat-boy fantasies like Neighbors and feel, as Rodger did, unjustly shut out of college life that should be full of ‘sex and fun and pleasure’?” she continued, referencing Rogen’s new movie. “How many men, raised on a steady diet of Judd Apatow comedies in which the shlubby arrested adolescent always gets the girl, find that those happy endings constantly elude them and conclude, ‘It’s not fair’?”

After being referenced in the piece, Rogen, 32, took to Twitter, “.@AnnHornaday I find your article horribly insulting and misinformed,” he tweeted. “How dare you imply that me getting girls in movies caused a lunatic to go on a rampage.” 

PHOTOS: Seth’s wedding

Apatow, 46, chimed in, “She uses tragedy to promote herself with idiotic thoughts.” He later added, “Most of Earth can’t find a mate– someone to love.  People who commit murder of numerous people have mental health issues of some type.”

Will somebody send him a Women’s Studies book or at least a Media Arts one? I guess you would use childish insults (“idiotic thoughts”) and superficial reasoning (must be “mental health issues of some type”) to debate an op-ed written in the Washington Post. (And would he have said the same to a male writer – that she was tying to “promote herself” by coming up with “idiotic thoughts” and personalizing it to only HIM getting girls in movies rather than, as Hornaday writes, the entertainment industry?)

Maybe Apatow should read ABC’s “insightful” article:

Chan said after they saw the 2012 film “Chronicle,” Rodger said he wanted to “dominate the world.” In the film, three high school students gain superpowers and one character – who’s bullied, shy and lonely – eventually uses them in a robbery and in an attempt to kill his father. He dies at the end of the film, killed by one of the other students.

Nice dad kills son

ANOTHER nice dad kills his son. Why? (Supposedly) Because his marriage broke up. (Why are women leaving these gems?) I have 3 words for these guys: SUCK IT UP.

 

 

A LITTLE boy thrown to his death from a bridge had tried to comfort his dad after his mother left them.

Friends and neighbours said a marriage break-up probably caused the murder-suicide of Jason Lees, 40, and his toddler Brad.

A neighbour yesterday recounted the heartwrenching day when two-year-old Brad hugged his weeping dad on the back stairs of their Brisbane home.

Marlene Stephens, who lives next door, said she thought Mr Lees’ wife Danielle was no longer living with them when he made the fateful decision to kill his son and take his own life.

“She left him a while back and you could hear and see him crying on the back stairs,” she said.

“I remember the little boy came down and wrapped his arms around him – I’m always going to remember that image.”

Ms Stephens said Brad always gave her a wave.

“It was always so lovely to hear them laugh. He was a beautiful kid,” she said.

Mr Lees, a much-admired teacher at a top private school in Brisbane, rode his bike on to Story Bridge about 2.30am on Monday and jumped to his death with Brad.

His wife, a psychologist from the Gold Coast, could not be contacted yesterday.

The couple met after Mr Lees moved from Canada about 15 years ago.

Bill Lees told the Ottawa Sun he met his baby nephew when his brother and his family visited Canada in 2010 so Jason could referee an international rugby sevens match. “That was the last time I saw them,” he said.

Rugby friends say they used to see Danielle at matches quite often, but hadn’t seen her much in the past year.

He loved his little son – he was the apple of his eye,” one friend said.

A parent said on Facebook that Mr Lees taught her son.

Why can I only feel deep sadness for his pain instead of condemning him for what he has done to himself and Brad?” she wrote.

– with Kate Kyriacou and Rose Brennan

“Nice dad” kills daughter

Okay, you know those “nice guy” kills wife stories – well, they also apply to children. In this article, the paternal grandfather says what a great guy his son was and blames the deaths on the family court system. I understand that the perpetrator was his son, but when are people going to take accountability for their actions? Killing your 2-year-old daughter does not, can not change family court. And, saying it does to the media – well, why not just tell dads to keep killing their kids?

Slain girl’s grandfather says court system pushed his son over the edge

Here’s another side to this sympathetic story – the ex-wife feared him and separated from him while pregnant

Family: Custody issue central in dad-daughter death Mother feared for her child’s safety

Court records, reviewed by KCRA, also reveal that the mother had grave concerns  about her daughter when she was not returned from a court appointed visit with  her father. Those records also confirm that a judge had previously ordered the  father to undergo anger management counseling.

“I believe (Mourad Samaan) is out of control and our daughter is in  imminent danger in his custody,” read a court document filed August 8, 2011.

The mother also asked a judge to deny Mourad Samaan further visitation  rights until a hearing on August 30, court records show.

Read more: http://www.kcra.com/news/28871771/detail.html#ixzz1VFJSbKHv

Another family court decision that resulted in death. Is the system broken, as the grandfather says? It sures is when it hands over innocent children to adults with anger issues, against the wishes of a frightened mother, and ends with the murder of children.

Remember the post about the park ranger “snapping” and killing his wife and kids – Well, now the real truth comes out

In 2009, I wrote a letter to the editor that was published in the Washington Post – it had to do with a park ranger that “snapped” and killed his wife and two teenage stepchildren.

Park ranger ‘snapped’ before three slayings, court told

Here’s my letter to the editor: Words that matter, or not

In the April 3 Metro story “Park Ranger ‘Snapped’ Before Slayings of Family, Court Told,” about a man suspected of killing his wife and two stepchildren, the reporter took what I call the “Snap, Cackle, Pop” approach. In sum, the media report that the “nice guy” snaps because of his wife’s cackling or nagging, and so he pops her with a gun to put himself out of his misery.

This template for reporting on domestic violence must go.

Three to four women, and sometimes their children, die every day under circumstances related to domestic violence. Media accounts that excuse the behavior of the abuser or blame the victim for the crime are unacceptable. Often, there is a pattern of abuse, and it doesn’t involve the wife’s “nagging.” More often, the issues involve control or jealousy by the abuser.

Interviewing those close to the abuser will typically result in kind words because an abuser can provide a normal if not charming exterior. And, if the abuser commits suicide, rarely will you find a source willing to speak ill of the dead. Thus, we hear all these stories of “nice guys” who kill.

Most domestic homicides are not inexplicable. There is often a clear pattern that leads to murder.

The media owe it to the community to provide that information.

Well, two years later, we finally learn the truth (and of all sources it’s Fox News!!) :

Slain woman’s family breaks silence in Virginia triple murder

Ronquillo Dean also testified that his brother suffered from psychological issues and “he had, you know, some breakdowns” after becoming distraught when his first marriage ended and later learned Dean “didn’t go to work for a year.”

During this time, Dean was working as a ranger.

“They should have been concerned,” Clark said, referring to the Park Authority.

Clark says “Evidently it wasn’t a problem” for Dean to carry a gun “because he was never stopped.”

The family also deposed former Prince William County police officer and family acquaintance, Pete Paradis, who Dean requested come to the house the night of the murder. Paradis said Dean couldn’t get a job early on in his career with Prince William County police because of a “drug incident.”

During the questioning, the family’s attorney also produced a letter from Prince William County Schools to Dean, saying he had been “rejected” for a security job because of “an unsuccessful background investigation.”

Dean’s brother also said he was turned down by Fairfax County Police, but did not know the reason.

The ex-wife and the story that she told about his having violent dreams and wanting to hurt people and the fact that he could carry a gun and nobody cared? When you add all those things up and the loss of three wonderful people, it makes you angry,” Clark said getting emotional.

Dean told police he and his wife argued and he couldn’t take it, but Elizabeth Dean’s mother calls it all lies, that have tarnished her daughter’s short life.

“It was bad enough that he had killed them, but to make it appear as if he was forced to do it because he was angry?” she said.

New York Times: ‘Nice guys’ rape 11-year-old

Here’s a combination of the ‘nice guys’ rape scenario and victim-blaming. In this case, the victim is an11-year-old child. And the perpetrators are boys and men, ranging from middle-schoolers to 27 years in age. They raped the girl under the threat of a beating. In the article, the writer, James C. McKinley Jr., has quotes in the article that blames the victim (she wore make-up, dressed in clothing that made her look older; where was her mother) and praised the perps (they’ll have to live with this the rest of their lives)

Here are my thoughts:

1) Who else has reported on this? I haven’t searched it yet, but I’ve only heard about the NY Times piece. Why is it that this crime didn’t get national attention?

2) A link below has a response from the NY Times. They stand by this piece. They said the reporter used quotes – they weren’t his words. Aaaaah! So, if we can use quotes (choosing from, I assume, many quotes), we no longer are responsible!!! It’s as if those words jumped on the page themselves. I’ve encountered this problem before and I don’t buy it. The least the writer can do is interview an anti-rape advocate to counter the victim blaming.

3) When is society going to wake up? This should serve as the wake up call, but I doubt it will. A MIDDLE SCHOOLER was involved in this gang-rape. THE VICTIM WAS A CHILD.  Really? No public outrage? We should be ashamed to call ourselves humans. Having a conscience is what separates humans from animals — in this case, we are no different.

4) Men in their 20s raped this 11 year old. Hello!! This is pedophilia, folks. Why didn’t the NY Times deal with this? 

Here’s the NY Times piece: Gang rape of schoolgirl, and arrests, shakes Texas town

Here’s their reply, posted in The Cutline news blog  NY Times responds to backlash over reporting of an alleged child rape (alleged rape?! it was caught on tape, it was a rape)

The Times responded Wednesday evening to The Cutline: “Neighbors’ comments about the girl, which we reported in the story, seemed to reflect concern about what they saw as a lack of supervision that may have left her at risk,” said Danielle Rhoades Ha, a spokeswoman for the paper. “As for residents’ references to the accused having to ‘live with this for the rest of their lives,’ those are views we found in our reporting. They are not our reporter’s reactions, but the reactions of disbelief by townspeople over the news of a mass assault on a defenseless 11-year-old.”

Rhodes Ha also stressed that the paper stands by the controversial piece.

“We are very aware of and sensitive to the concerns that arise in reporting about sexual assault,” Rhoades Ha said. “This story is still developing and there is much to be learned about how something so horrific could have occurred.”

Read the NY Times letter to the editor

Mother Jones has quotes from the article & analysis: The NY Times’ rape-friendly reporting

Victim-blaming in the NY Times Cleveland gang rape article

The fword blog: Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused  (Domestic violence victims are also the “accused” – they nag or cheat or otherwise do something to deserve the beating. They, like rape victims, are also accused of lying.)

Here’s Salon’s reaction: The NY Times’ sloppy, slanted child rape story 

Here’s a petition on Change.org Tell the NY Times to apologize for blaming a child for her gang rape

Colin DeVries: “Good tenant” who beat wife “shockingly” killed her and a police officer

Another “nice guy” article that describes the killer as a “good tenant”:

Poughkeepsie shooter, victim described by Catskills neighbors as ‘good tenants’ By Colin DeVries

The killer is described as somebody who: didn’t bother nobody, didn’t cause any trouble and was: a go-getter, always working, always doing something.

And the victim was described as: Well, she was lumped in with the killer as a good tenant who didn’t bother nobody.

Then this good tenant who didn’t bother nobody:

“Lee was always beating on his wife,” Komaromi said. “She came to my house a couple of times.”

In late January, Mr. Welch was charged with third-degree assault against his wife and, Komaromi said, there was an order of protection.

Mr. Welch violated the order and was charged Jan. 31 with felony criminal contempt and remanded to the Greene County Jail in lieu of $20,000 bail.

And this good tenant who didn’t cause any trouble:

Mr. Welch, 27, fatally shot his wife and a police officer who attempted to restrain him as he fled toward the Poughkeepsie train station midday Friday.

City of Poughkeepsie police officer John Falcone, an 18-year veteran of the police force, was killed moments after wresting a 3-year-old girl from the arms of Welch.

Just shocking that someone who beat his wife and violated a restraining order would kill her and a police officer, isn’t it? We’ve never heard anything like it before! (sigh) Why can’t these reporters talk to a domestic violence expert? Why do they refuse to see a husband that kills his wife as anything but “good”?

On marrying prisoners

So there was an article in Salon the other day that brought a lot of thoughts and questions to mind:

My husband, the convicted murderer  In a nutshell, this woman was a journalist, visited a prison, and fell in love with a convict. He was found guilty of murdering a gang member.

  • I wondered if there had ever been a study looking at the influence of cultural indicators like: Beauty & the Beast; King Kong and Fay Wray; the Hunchback of Notre Dame & Ismeralda — well, you get it. I wonder if movies like these send girls (and boys) a message.
  • I wondered if anyone has ever looked at men’s rate of visiting and marrying female prisoners. An acquaintance of mine works at a female prison and she says it tends to be family members visiting rather than boyfriends or husbands.
  • I thought again of how women often lose their children while in jail while men don’t  (See: Prison shouldn’t be a bar to motherhood )
  • This led me to think about the Fatherhood Initiative (you know – actually federal funding going to men only!) which gives federal funds to programs that unite prisoners with their children because kids need their dads (but apparently not their moms).
  • Okay, so federal funding led me to think of the Violence Against Women Act, which MRAs usually say “discriminates” against men and is the only federal funding source going to women alone (not true). I usually compare funding for VAWA ($5.8 B over 5 years) with funding for prisons ($60 B over 5 years). That’s a huge discrepancy in supporting victims vs. supporting perpetrators. Certainly, we fund college educations for prisoners and not domestic violence or rape victims. What does that say about our society?
  • I was also told (by a law student) that prisoners can marry mail-order-brides and give them citizenship while women fleeing domestic violence have a hard time getting asylum here.
  • Okay, back to the article. I had once read that suicidal women get involved with guys like Scott Peterson – it’s a passive form of commiting suicide. Could that be true
  • And lastly, the media tend to call many perpetrators of domestic violence homicides “nice guys” that “snapped” – can that have anything at all to do with this?

Surprise that “nice guy” raped teen

This is the template used for domestic violence or rape – surprise that the “nice guy” hit, raped, or murdered.  I’ve yet to see this template used for gang members, minority groups, or crimes that are not personal in nature, involving a man and woman.

And my question will always be: What about the victims?

This article says this guy was nice, that his action was a complete surprise. Then – read how nice he really is…

Neighbors call rape suspect a ‘nice guy’   (check out his photo)

It was shocking because I didn’t think he would do something like this, says neighbor Todd Barrow.

He has talked with Watson several times over the years and describes Watson as a “nice guy.” But police say last week, Watson grabbed a teenage girl while she was walking to the bus stop, on her way to school. Then he took her into a wooded area off 103rd and Connie Jean Road and raped her at gunpoint.

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement was able to match Watson’s DNA to DNA found at the crime scene. His DNA was already in the system because Watson is a convicted felon.

In 2007, Watson was arrested for grand theft auto. The next year, he was arrested for burglary and convicted of DUI. Last year, Watson was sentenced to a year probation for battery. According to a police report, he got into a fight with his father and bit him.

Do you think people really know their neighbors? Why do reporters continue to question them? This guy obviously had a record – a fairly long one at that. Why would the paper choose the headline that the perp was a “nice guy”? Do females get the same treatment? How are victims treated? Why do we learn more about the perp than the victim? Why are there more kind words for the perp and not the victim?

The Wrong Choices

It never ceases to amaze me how society refuses to make batterers accountable for their actions. Instead of asking, why doesn’t she just leave him? shouldn’t we be asking, why doesn’t he stop hitting her? Do we even bother to think that once she leaves him, he’ll find another punching bag? Wouldn’t it be smarter, then, to stop HIS behavior rather than HERS? (Since we never ask, why doesn’t he just leave her, I’m purposely choosing to use these gender pronouns.) 

If our current approach worked, that is, women left their abuser *safely* (because the most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves), what would all these batterers do with their time? Would they abuse their boss, their bartender, their friends? I don’t think so. What would society do with these men who’ve lost their punching bags? I think they’ll always find women…even if they have to pay for it, so the problem would never go away.  

Instead of asking her to leave (and think she’ s “stupid” if she doesn’t), why don’t we start asking, why does he abuse her and what can we do to prevent or stop his behavior?

Well, that, to me, sounds like the most rational approach, however, the judge in this article, Lexington Mother of 6 gets 5 years for killing husband, believes the woman is to blame for all her wrong choices in life:

There was rarely a day when Sandra G. Lubben’s family saw her without a black eye.

She endured physical and mental abuse from her husband, David Lubben, because she was scared of what would happen if she reported the violence.

The Lexington mother of six was trapped in an abusive relationship from which she could not escape, her defense attorney said Thursday.

But a circuit court judge said Lubben, 40, made poor choices and would have to face consequences for the final decision she made in her marriage.

And finally:

Goodwine said Lubben made some bad choices, the first being to marry David Lubben after he had shown a history of violence toward her.

“I think other choices should have been made that day. If not that day, the day before,” Goodwine said.

So the judge berates this battered woman for the choices she made in marrying this guy and ignores the choices he made of abusing her on an almost daily basis.  I suppose violent men come with a sign on their foreheads, then? The only telltale signs that we know of are jealousy and controlling behavior. These are traits that are easily confused by many people with love, insecurity and inflexibility. Surely, we don’t believe someone we can be attracted to, someone who has a few “flaws,” would be capable of punching, kicking or throwing a woman down the stairs, do we? If we had a glass ball or a sixth sense for sniffing out potentially abusive men, perhaps we would make better choices, but since we don’t come with such super powers, I think we’d better stick to the abusive behavior, shall we?  

Violence is a CHOICE, afterall, that people make, so let’s blame batterers for choicing violence. Batterers are virtually ignored by the justice system (he seems like a charming man, to me), the media (he was a “nice guy” that “snapped”) and society (“she deserved it”). Until we see violence as a choice and women as an easy target, we will continue on our present track: women are blamed for their “choices,” women are punished for “failure to protect” their children, batterers are not held accountable, men’s homicide rate is declining and women’s remains the same or increases. 

Put the blame where it belongs:  on those that CHOOSE violence not on those who are victims to it.