Nice guy kills girlfriend

I see nothing much has changed while I was away.

The latest case in the national news involves Jovan Belcher, a linebacker with the Kansas City Chiefs.

Police report shows new details in Jovan-Belcher murder suicide

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/police-report-shows-details-jovan-belcher-murder-suicide-152440857–nfl.html

So, the reason for this fatal domestic violence incident, according to this article:

  • couple had been arguing for months
  • he was angry she was out late
  • she reportedly did not talk to him as he thought she should

Honestly, I can’t recall seeing “arguing” as a cause of domestic violence, have you? Or the manner in which a person speaks to another.

He’s painted with a lot of sympathy in this article – he only “reportedly” partied (in quotation marks in the article); he says he’s sorry to his girlfriend (sorry for killing her); his mother and coach are involved; he tells the coach how he wants his children to be taken care of (do killers have that right?)

The victim, on the otherhand, is a mother who went to a concert, had a few drinks, argued with her boyfriend, and spoke in a manner he didn’t like.

Hmmm.

 

Nice dad kills son

ANOTHER nice dad kills his son. Why? (Supposedly) Because his marriage broke up. (Why are women leaving these gems?) I have 3 words for these guys: SUCK IT UP.

 

 

A LITTLE boy thrown to his death from a bridge had tried to comfort his dad after his mother left them.

Friends and neighbours said a marriage break-up probably caused the murder-suicide of Jason Lees, 40, and his toddler Brad.

A neighbour yesterday recounted the heartwrenching day when two-year-old Brad hugged his weeping dad on the back stairs of their Brisbane home.

Marlene Stephens, who lives next door, said she thought Mr Lees’ wife Danielle was no longer living with them when he made the fateful decision to kill his son and take his own life.

“She left him a while back and you could hear and see him crying on the back stairs,” she said.

“I remember the little boy came down and wrapped his arms around him – I’m always going to remember that image.”

Ms Stephens said Brad always gave her a wave.

“It was always so lovely to hear them laugh. He was a beautiful kid,” she said.

Mr Lees, a much-admired teacher at a top private school in Brisbane, rode his bike on to Story Bridge about 2.30am on Monday and jumped to his death with Brad.

His wife, a psychologist from the Gold Coast, could not be contacted yesterday.

The couple met after Mr Lees moved from Canada about 15 years ago.

Bill Lees told the Ottawa Sun he met his baby nephew when his brother and his family visited Canada in 2010 so Jason could referee an international rugby sevens match. “That was the last time I saw them,” he said.

Rugby friends say they used to see Danielle at matches quite often, but hadn’t seen her much in the past year.

He loved his little son – he was the apple of his eye,” one friend said.

A parent said on Facebook that Mr Lees taught her son.

Why can I only feel deep sadness for his pain instead of condemning him for what he has done to himself and Brad?” she wrote.

– with Kate Kyriacou and Rose Brennan

Female murder-suicide case

Okay, I don’t see a ‘nice woman kills family’ template like is typical with the “nice guy kills ex/wife/family.” But, like with male perps, they have not identified this woman’s relationship to the baby – nor have they mentioned the other victims in the headline:

Neighbor saw woman shoot at baby

 

Authorities have said five people, including two children and a baby, were killed in a murder-suicide, but they haven’t identified the shooter. The bodies were found Friday in Emington, a small farming community about 80 miles southwest of Chicago.

What drives a father to kill?

Does this sound like the guy is trying to rationalize a father’s violence or be sympathetic to it? Kinda creepy.

What drives a father to kill?

The typical profile of a family annihilator is a middle-aged man, a good provider who appears dedicated, devoted and loyal to his family. However, he is usually quite socially isolated, with few friends and with profound feelings of frustration and inadequacy. The tipping point is some catastrophic loss or impending tragedy that threatens to undermine his sense of self and amplifies his feelings of impotence and powerlessness. In individuals for whom their family is an integral part of their identity – part of themselves, rather than a separate being – murdering the family is akin to a single act of suicide. It is a way of regaining control; of obliterating the impending crisis. This explains why men will often not only kill their partner and children, but also pets and destroy their property by setting fires. It is an eradication of everything that constitutes the self.

In addition to this, they are often motivated by bitterness and anger and a desire to punish the spouse; while killing the partner is an act of revenge, killing the children is an act of love as he believes he – and therefore they – will be better off dead than face the imminent loss of power.

While this points to severe psychological problems with underlying personality issues and maladaptive coping strategies, this, in itself, does not necessarily constitute a mental illness. However, professionals are divided as to whether these men can be held truly culpable for their actions. For the few that survive, jurors tend to find them responsible for their actions and therefore guilty of murder, but some end up detained in secure psychiatric hospitals indefinitely.

Experts, such as Jack Levin, Professor of Sociology and Criminology at the Northeastern University in Boston, Massachusetts who has studied family annihilators, have argued that they typically do know right from wrong and points to the fact that they are well planned and selective and that if a friend came along, the father wouldn’t kill him or her – instead, he kills his children to get even with his wife because he blames her and hates her.

Others, such as Tony Black, former chief psychologist at Broadmoor, are more circumspect. Black has argued that for anyone to commit such a heinous crime, there must be something fundamentally wrong with them and it is unhelpful just to simply think of them as ‘bad’. But what can be done to prevent such atrocities? Is there the possibility of intervention before such murders take place or ways to identify at risk men?

Scott Mackenzie, a consultant forensic psychiatrist in Essex who has assessed family annihilators for the criminal justice system, feels that often there are underlying anti-social personality traits and fundamental issues with rage and anger management. But these psychological traits are not uncommon in the population, and most will never go on to murder their family. ‘Those who act are often angry and resentful individuals. There is often a prior pattern of domestic abuse. But predicting with any reliability who will suddenly flip and resort to this kind of behaviour is incredibly difficult, if not near impossible. After any such incident there are inevitably questions asked if anything could be done, if someone could have intervened or spotted the signs. Tragically, in most cases, the answer is no.’

Wrong answer! Here is how we prevent it:

  • Look for the red flags (anger, resentment, abuse, control, coercion)
  • Take threats seriously
  • Believe women when they express fear
  • Do NOT provide leniency in domestic violence
  • Treat domestic violence like other crimes
  • Educate society on domestic violence (myths vs. reality)
  • Don’t be silent about abuse – it can lead to shame, victim blaming, tolerance for this crime
  • Change how the media present stories – the “nice guy”‘ murders wife – does not provide the context to understand DV
  • Change the culture – violence against women is not inevitable

 

“Nice dad” kills daughter

Okay, you know those “nice guy” kills wife stories – well, they also apply to children. In this article, the paternal grandfather says what a great guy his son was and blames the deaths on the family court system. I understand that the perpetrator was his son, but when are people going to take accountability for their actions? Killing your 2-year-old daughter does not, can not change family court. And, saying it does to the media – well, why not just tell dads to keep killing their kids?

Slain girl’s grandfather says court system pushed his son over the edge

Here’s another side to this sympathetic story – the ex-wife feared him and separated from him while pregnant

Family: Custody issue central in dad-daughter death Mother feared for her child’s safety

Court records, reviewed by KCRA, also reveal that the mother had grave concerns  about her daughter when she was not returned from a court appointed visit with  her father. Those records also confirm that a judge had previously ordered the  father to undergo anger management counseling.

“I believe (Mourad Samaan) is out of control and our daughter is in  imminent danger in his custody,” read a court document filed August 8, 2011.

The mother also asked a judge to deny Mourad Samaan further visitation  rights until a hearing on August 30, court records show.

Read more: http://www.kcra.com/news/28871771/detail.html#ixzz1VFJSbKHv

Another family court decision that resulted in death. Is the system broken, as the grandfather says? It sures is when it hands over innocent children to adults with anger issues, against the wishes of a frightened mother, and ends with the murder of children.

Father absent headlines, or my father the gunman

If this were a mother, the term “mother” or “mom” would be in every headline (and would have made national news).

In this case, a husband/father killed 6 people – his wife and her family – and injured 4 – at their son’s birthday party. Some of the articles blame the woman for not divorcing him or filing a restraining order – but, really, folks, a divorce would not have saved her – this is what angered him (and, indeed research indicates separation and divorce are the height of danger for a woman). And, a restraining order? Maybe – if it was enforced by the police.

Another activist brought this page to our attention. Notice out of the 21 articles, only  ONE  refer to him as a husband. Six refer to him simply as a “gunman.” Really? The “gunman” was the father of the little boy celebrating his birthday – and then – witnessing his father kill his mother, her family, and then the “gunman” killed himself.

Gunman =6

Man =1

Husband =1

Father/dad =0

No mention of his relationship to the victims at all =13

Google search

Here are the first three:

Grand Prairie shooting victims leave behind families, dreams

Dallas
Morning News (subscription) – ‎19 hours
ago‎
By From staff reports Trini Do worked two jobs and taught
Sunday school, as well as caring for her two children, friends said. She worked
full time doing accounting and grant management at the University of Texas at
Arlington, where she earned a

Police Believe Gunman Planned Roller Rink
Shootings

NBC
Dallas-Fort Worth – Amanda
Guerra
– ‎40 minutes ago‎
Grand Prairie police said the 35-year-old man who shot and
killed five people at Roller World in Grand Prairie planned his attack. Police
say investigators believe the deadly weekend attack at a Grand Prairie
roller-skating rink was

Family in Shock after Birthday Party
Shooting Rampage

FOX 4
News – Tracy
DeLatte
– ‎2 hours ago‎
GRAND PRAIRIE, Texas – The wounded who survived the shooting
rampage at a Grand Prairie skating rink are sharing their eyewitness accounts of
what happened. Hoi Ta and his family moved to North Texas from Vietnam nearly
two decades ago in search of a

Custody disputes tough on women (but media fails to tell story)

Women’s E-News has written about this topic in the past – it’s the mainstream media outlets that ignore it:

Custody disputes now tougher for battered moms

However, certain injustices (crimes, really) that I first began tracking in the late 1970s have now gotten much worse. For example, battered women are losing custody to their batterers in record numbers. Children are being successfully brainwashed by fathers, but many mothers are being falsely accused of brainwashing. Worse: Children with mandated reporters–physicians, nurses or teachers–who report to them that they have been sexually abused by their fathers are usually given to those very fathers. The mothers of these children are almost always viewed as having “coached” or “alienated” the children and, on this basis alone, are seen as “unfit” mothers.

It’s even tough in Taiwan:

Judges in custody cases urged to think of children’s needs 

…It found that serious problems can arise when women are fighting for custody of their children.

In court, judges prefer not to change the status quo in the family. If the father takes the child away from the mother before or after the parents separate, for example, the judge will usually grant custody to the father, for fear that the child will have difficulty adjusting to a new lifestyle, she said.

Should the mother ask for a retrial, the case is heard in the same court and very often the judges still award custody to the father, Chi said.

Last year, judges ruled 61 percent of child custody disputes in favor of the father, she said.

“The judges are supposed to make their decisions based on the best interests of the child, but what we are seeing is totally different,” Chi said.

This is what can happen to women in a custody dispute (even w/o previous violence in the relationship) – it’s not happening to men on the same scale – yet the media is picking up on men’s stories in divorce & custody. Some articles don’t mention who has custody or where the biological mother is when the child(ren) is in the care of the custodial Dad.

Friends mourn teens killed in Chula Vista suicide 

A family friend told 10News the former attorney and life coach was having financial problems and was at risk of losing his home and full custody of the boys. He and his wife, Maria, filed for divorce in 2007.

He had full custody of two boys ages 13 and 15 – and he killed them both and them committed suicide (the 3rd murder-suicide this month in this area).